Garterbelt and Brief with Panty
by Kirbilius Clausius
Summary: Panty's in pieces, Kneesock's adrift, Scanty's forsaken, Stocking's mysterious in the Biblical sense of the word. Good luck, you're gonna need. It won't help, either.


1

Briefs held the few pieces of Panty's earthly vessel that had remained strewn about the churchyard in his hands.

_Scanty relaxed in the back of a stretch limousine version of a Hummer, seated across an equally at ease Kneesocks. She smiled wistfully._

_"You never had any concern over why we were in Daten City, rather than in...let us say, el Inferno? Despite your ghost hunting under Garter was a means of redemption, not the cause."_

His tears only served to further mat his hair over his eyes.

_Stocking stirred another sugar cube into a Victorian cup from a tea set more suited to an Emilie Autumn burlesque show than actual use. She looked up accusingly._

_"Did you always intend to slut your way out of heaven? Or was it only after the Nephilim fathers drowned in the Deluge?"_

_The goth's hair hid her eyes as her face turned away._

_"Please don't say it was only because I was born._

Garterbelt grit his teeth in frustration.

_Brief turned away from the computer that was the center piece of his room. His hair continued to hide his gleaming eyes and his hand sewn Ghostbuster's cosplay continued to hide his wealth._

_"I was always hoping to meet you. It's why I made my PK meter. How was I to know that the quickest way to your heart was looks and money? Let alone the way under your skirt was proximity."_

The two humans remained in their places for so much time after a barely manifest Corset trailed off after Stocking.

_Kneesocks relaxed in the back of a stretch limousine version of a Hummer, seated across an equally at ease Scanty. She smiled wistfully._

_"You were literally getting pennies from heaven, showcasing not only an afterlife with your ghostly pursuits but a window into the world of the almighty with you powers and the mere presence of the divine. And what gift do you give mankind? The very best of the shame learned from the Tree of Life! It's more condemning than anything an actual demon could bring to the world, isn't it?_

The sun bore down unabated by the actions of the day.

_Garter Belt prominently stood over the podium before the altar._

_"I have never seen a skank ass ho in all my Goddamned time on this motherfuckin' planet and let me tell you I was born in the shithole of bitchery..._

The church stood guard, ever present, breaking the horizon.

_Corset sat in what would be a throne if it wasn't for a mayor._

_"With a divine plan in place and an ominiscient, omnipresent, omnipotent opponent: what possible rebellion could a demon wage? With an omnibenevolent one: what benefit could there be to rebellion?"_

2

Daten City. A city on the border of Heaven and Earth. A place where the average man...well, has banged Panty Anarchy. But what I meant to say was 'tried to get by without gettin' his ass bit off by some crazy-ass ghost'. Spirits of torment born of the dead souls of the suffering. Manifestations of anger and regret coalescing into savage weapons of uninhibited vengeance without reason.

A blonde so beautiful she could never have been touched with curse of toil because it was not possible to exercise to get her figure, a fair skinned maiden untouched by the curse of infirmity because she was just too symmetrical to have aged into her body sat with her back against a wall. She looked up and saw the open soup can in front of her with a few coins in it. Continuing to tilt her head, she saw an old woman tsking at her misfortune and drop a few coins in the can to join the others.

"Fuck that shit, ya ol' bitch!", Panty declared. "If I wanted to make it rain, I'd have every motherfucker in this bitch tripping all over themselves."

She kicked the can over. The woman jumped away.

"Don't you fuck with me Hag-gar the Horrible."

Panty picked herself up and made her way to the nearest public washroom. In front of the mirror, she went over her appearance with her fingers. She smoothed out the wrinkles from her red minidress. She feathered her hair out. A quick rub over her pumps. Ran water over her face. Only then did she look into the mirror.

A gleaming visage of white and hearts and halo and wings and the Light glared back at her. Arms crossed in anger. Nose upturned in disgust.

The image shattered as Panty's fist bounced off the glass. Slivers of the mirror fell to the sink and surrounding counter. The blonde spun away from the mirror and stomped out of the bathroom.

Panty walked across the entire city to make her way back to the church. Once there, she threw open both doors with either arm.

She was unprepared for the sight that greeted her. The pews were full. Daten City's faithful had come to worship an Almighty that loved them and cared for them. Leading their praise was an 'Asian hot-faced' preacher Panty did not recognize.

"Who in the fuck are all these motherfuckers?!", Panty demanded.

An usher that bore an uncanny resemblence to the preacher spirited to her side. "uh, ma'am. You are disturbing the ceremony. May I ask you to come with

"Oof!", she declared as Panty slapped her to the floor.

"This shit's stopping right the fuck now. I don't know why you bitches don't know who I think I am. But I do know you're gonna flag your asses out of my motherfuckin' house fast enough to keep the door from hitting them on the way out. Jonothan, I've fucked you enough for your dumbass to know better than come all up in my shit like this."

The congregation gasped in astonishment. The people of Daten City appeared to have never seen such an agregious display in their entire lives. As if there was never a regular infestation of insane ghosts and vulgar displays.

The preacher closed her holy book with an audible snap that broke the silence. Her heels clicked along the church floor tile as if she had hooves. When she stood in front of Panty, she adjusted her glasses drawing attention away from her prominent horn.

Then she spun away from the blonde and addressed the congregation. "The Lord Almighty, peace be upon Him offers forgiveness to all (who acknowledge only He and obey an increasingly arbitrary set of rules communicated only through symbols authored by mortals). It makes no matter what their transgressions. Even an obviously worn loose, prostitute with a healthy sense of consumer appreciation like this one. Even rabid, mangy, unkempt, frothing at the mouth mutt like this one. Even a horrid/"

Panty grit her teeth. "Fine! I get it!"

The preacher hid her mouth behind her holy book. "And I was just getting started. You don't mind if I continue after you left, do you? The collection plate has been a little light and there are orphans to feed, after school activities to fund, homeless to house..."

She didn't hear the rest. She was already dragging her sorry (although fine and hot) ass out of her own home. Panty continued on until she got to Daten City High. She made her way to the office.

"And how can we help you today?", a pale busty girl a bit younger than Panty asked.

"Stocking!", Panty exclaimed. She excitedly ran to the teller window so fast she slammed into it and slid off like Wily Coyote. In an instant she was on her feet again. "Shit has been unreal."

The girl behind the teller window raised an eyebrow. "That is completely inappropriate language for a high school, bitch. You know damn well not to fuck up around her like you don't have any motherfucking sense. You need to turn those titters toward the door if you want to act like your mother never raised you right."

Immediately, Panty was surrounded by high school security. She turned to another guard. "Bobby. I blew you under the bleachers. You recognize me, right?"

She landed face first on the side walk having been thrown out. "Well, fuck all y'all then!", she screamed with futility.

Having no where else to go, she wandered in the 13 caked bakery. She lazily pushed open the front door and slid into a chair.

"If a bitch ain't buyin', she best not muddy up one of my chairs with her skank ass, know-what-I'm-sayin'?", a baker with a truly magnificent afro told her.

Without bothering to explain to Garter that she knew him, and that he shouldn't treat her like this, she stood up and made her way to the door. Seeing the employee holding the door open for her, Panty scoffed. "Now Dudley, I went through anal even though you have a stupid fucking name like a Christmas tv special."

The door was slammed anyway.

Panty, truly forsaken, staggered off into the night.

3

Panty and Brief lounged in her bed. Brief could not be said to be clothed, even with his perfectly effected hair. Panty lay fully clothed.

"Who the fuck're you supposed to be?", Panty asked.

Brief glanced around the room before answering. He shrugged. "I must be your one true love. After all, who else would an innocent and true woman allow in her bed."

Panty laughed out loud. "Try again, asshole."

The boy pointed to his ghost busting suit, hung sharply to keep wrinkles at bay. "Well, I've obviously put my heart and soul into showcasing my devotion to you." Then he pointed to his formal white suit haphazardly thrown on the floor. "And I'm the superficial traits a tawdry slut like you demands of herself."

"Who else could I be?"

Panty relaxed against his side. "That does make a whole lot of sense. But that would mean that I could be comfortable with the dichotomy."

"You mispronounced 'dick'.", Brief aided.

Panty slapped at his arm. "Don't be a dick."

"You're like these two different lives but the same motherfucker."

"And you aren't?"

Panty looked up from the bed. Glaring down on her was Panty.

The red dressed blonde looked up from her kneeling position. "I know I've fucked everything up, and on more than one occasion and for more than I can ask to be forgiven for. My sister not in heaven and may have lost her damn mind because of me. Brief is in love with the town whore. Garter's still making a motherfucking fool of himself instead of six feet under like no one but him deserves. But it's not a crime to be all about the dick!"

The angel, aglow in heavenly power glared down from her floating position. "Then why has it fucked up everything in your life? Why did you leave your sister in fights for another fuckwad to screw? Why have you never listened to what Garter's been telling you for who-the-fuck-knows how long despite he's a Goddamned preacher with more experience than any other motherfucker in the whole world?

"Do you even know why Brief breaking your hymen was so much more important than the bitch ass mofo that did it the first time?"

The blonde glared up at Panty. "What am I supposed to do about it? Cry? Beg? Cut myself like some fucking emo that can't wrap their heads around the concept that their lives are up to them to improve, and that playing with the cards you're dealt is so much more than whining about them?"

The angel stared down at Panty. "No. Because that's not who the fuck I am. My name's Panty, bitch. I don't fracture, I pull myself together with my own bra straps if I got to. I fix shit. And if you don't like it, you can suck my dick."

The angel slammed the tip of a crystal blue gun to the blonde's forehead. "Metaphorical as a motherfuck."

2

Brief felt the pieces in his hands come together. There were only Panty's full, luscious lips in his hands. And her literally angelic voice. "I know we goin' on an epic quest to check a bitch!"


End file.
